What Is Your D-Factor?

Bringing Energy to the World of Dating and Relationships

We have all heard the phrase, “He had great energy,” when describing someone we have met and like immediately. Or, we can describe a room or an event as having “great energy.” Positive energy radiates from each of us, broadcasting our unconscious thoughts, feelings and beliefs to the world—including potential partners, employers, employees and family. A person who has “great energy” has the ability to inspire and motivate others, is self-motivated, is able to take life-changing action and can create extraordinary results that last.

Each and every one of us has the potential to amplify her energetic broadcast to the world depending upon her level of consciousness, or energetic messaging. Higher levels of anabolic, positive energy are associated with building strong relationships, creating win-win opportunities and promoting positive self-esteem. Catabolic energy, on the other hand, is destructive, and catabolic men and women destroy and break down everything around them.

In the next few Dating With Dignity blog posts, we’ll take a look at the characteristics of anabolic and catabolic women and men to show you how you can become the partner you want to find.

Let’s look first at the overall style of the catabolic person. A catabolic person manages and controls each situation whenever possible. In fact, many catabolic people are most comfortable when they feel “in control" by handling, directing, ruling, dominating or influencing others. They tell others what to do and how to do it. The catabolic woman or man, in keeping control, keeps the other people in the relationship in a non-powerful position—and then most likely complains to everyone around that, “I can’t seem to find a good partner,” and “No one does things as well as I do.”

An anabolic person, on the other hand, leads and allows. The definition of “lead”—“to go before or with to show the way” and “to guide in direction, course, and action”—sounds supportive and empowering. (And it is!) The anabolic partner doesn’t control and doesn’t push, but instead inspires them by words, action and example.

“Each of us is each greater and wiser than we appear to be.”

Anabolic men and women realize this and thus don’t feel the need to tell people what to do, as they realize that everyone has his own answers and gifts. It is these men and women who can successfully attract an anabolic partner to ultimately build a strong, interdependent and healthy long-term relationship.

Last week we discussed catabolic and anabolic responses to being faced with a task or something to do. When a catabolic person TELLS or DEMANDS that someone do something, most likely he will respond catabolically: “I won’t,” “I have to,” or “I need to.” When an anabolic person REQUESTS someone do something or ASKS for someone’s input on a situation, the other person is much more likely to respond with the anabolic, “I want to,” or “I choose to.” The more anabolic energy a person has, the greater frequency at which she vibrates—and the probability of success in the realm of dating and relationships is increased dramatically.

This week, as you interact with those around you think about how much more of an anabolic partner you could be if you led instead of managed.