Unpacking Your Baggage: Obliterating Assumptions

While Limiting Beliefs can negatively impact the way in which we view the world, the Assumptions we make also contribute to the false belief that we do not have the power to create a life we love. At Dating With Dignity we define an “Assumption” as a belief based on the premise that because something happened in the past, it is automatically going to happen again.

When you make choices based on your assumptions, you are letting the past control the future. Assumptions hold you back, because when you already “know” that something won’t work, you probably won’t even consider doing it. Even if you do attempt it, you won’t have a lot of energy for (or be engaged in) what you’re doing since you don’t really believe it can work. When you hold on to your assumptions, you miss out on many possibilities.

Imagine this scenario: A woman has dated a variety of men who are financially successful, but ultimately all of them prove to be workaholics who are incapable of making the relationship a priority. If she makes the assumption she is not good at “dating” or that all successful men are workaholics, then it’s likely she will begin to assume that each man she dates who seems to be successful is not capable of having an intimate, healthy relationship. Further, even if she does end up meeting a man who seems to be available and interested in her, the assumption she has will leak toxic, negative energy into their interactions and may actually repel the potential mate; as such, without her even realizing it she has created more proof that her assumption was correct.

Here are some typical assumptions.

• If I don’t do it myself, it won’t be done right.
• Men never call when they ask for my number.
• I’m no good at dating.
• No one listens to what I’m saying.

Because assumptions are based primarily on personal experience, they are internalized and emotional and therefore somewhat difficult to let go. Delving deep to remove the emotion of the past experience may be necessary before moving forward.

The main question to ask when challenging an assumption is simply, “Just because that happened in the past, why must it happen again?”

This month, when you just “know” that something won’t work based on your past experience, recognize your assumption for what it is, question it, and consciously choose to let it go and take positive action.