Happiest Time of the Year…Or Is It?

We've all heard the Christmas song "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year" by Andy Williams. Being that the holidays are in full swing, I'm sure it's one of many you'll hear over and over again, whether on the radio while you're driving or in the shopping mall looking for last-minute gifts. The song sticks with you, and you can't get it out of your head—even when you seem to be overstressed and in a bah humbug mood.

No judgment with regard to the mood, Christmas and the holiday season as a whole are stressful. It's also an emotionally challenging time for people. With the current economic situation it can be downright depressing, even for those who have a great deal for which to be grateful.

Depression hits us when we least expect it, and the holidays can trigger some deeply rooted emotions which we've yet to deal with, admit to or let go of. A few people have good external reasons to be depressed. Let me share an example: a true story that was shared with me this morning.

A family with four young children just used its savings to move from a two-bedroom apartment into a four-bedroom, two-bath apartment with the intention that they can provide a more comfortable living situation for the children. It's nothing extravagant and both parents are employed, so the leap of faith was taken.

The wife left to spend the last few days with her dying brother. She came home grateful for what she had, which wasn't much. But she had her children, husband and job. Within a week of returning and moving into their new apartment, both she and her husband lost their jobs. Now, just a few weeks before Christmas, they have no income and virtually no savings, and they're looking at not being able to make the rent at the first of the month.

From the outside this is heart wrenching, to say the least. I can identify at least four potential triggers in this brief description for the onset of emotional crisis and the potential of serious depression—not just for the wife, but for the husband and all four children. The story is a sad one, and it's repeated thousands of times a day throughout this country and my homeland of Canada.

When I heard this story, I realized that today's article needs to revisit the topic of depression. Education is key to empowering people to stay motivated when life comes at you hard and fast. As friends, co-workers and family, we need to be aware of the signs of depression so we can determine what our role is (or if we have one at all).

Here are lists of the most obvious signs of depression.

Emotional Symptoms

• You feel consistently sad
• You're irritable for no apparent reason
• You feel a sense of hopelessness
• There's a nagging feeling of worthlessness or guilt for no reason
• You have a loss of interest in some or all of your favorite activities

Physical Symptoms

• You're having trouble sleeping
• You're low on energy or feeling fatigued constantly
• You experience a significant weight change (gain or loss)
• You have difficulty concentrating on tasks

When someone about whom you're concerned begins showing these signs, ask yourself a few questions to help discern what your role might need to be:

• Does the person want help?
• Is he aware he's depressed or heading into a bout of depression?
• What role are you required to perform in the person's healing journey?
• Do you want to play an active role in this journey?

Remember that the best way you can truly support someone is to make sure you're in possession of the necessary tools to truly help that person. If you don't, then you could do more harm than good. Caution is advisable, as is seeking the support of a professional first to ensure what your actions and steps might need to be.

After seeking advice, doing some research and determining from a neutral place that you feel you need to step in and help someone, there is one final question you need to answer:

"What is your authentic motivation for needing or wanting to help?"

If your authentic voice is guiding you to a final answer of "I love my friend immensely and simply would like to make sure she knows I'm here without judgment," then the following are some ideas to consider:

1. Overcome Denial A key to helping a depressed or stressed out friend is to support that person to move through the denial stage. The greatest way to show that support is to encourage him to get counseling.
2. Pay Attention For most individuals, fighting depression means the need to be heard without judgment or commenting back: just straight-out listening.
3. Be Present Being available and present for the person during times can go a long way toward helping her take the necessary steps forward.
4. Stay Encouraging It's very easy to be influenced by the pessimism emanating from a depressed person; nevertheless, if you let that person drag you into his unhappy moods as well, you won't be doing him or yourself any favors. Stay in an at least neutral (if not cheerful) state; your happiness can be infectious, so go ahead and allow your upbeat personality to be the lead.
5. Active Listening Don't ever dismiss any remarks concerning suicide, self-harm or disenchantment with life from a depressed individual. A large number suicidal people make an effort to reach out for support prior to taking that final measure.
6. Physical Activity Getting your friend moving and interacting with her surroundings can do a world of good for her mental shape.

While pulling this information together, I thought I would check out some health websites to see what is said regarding the holidays and suicide/depression rates. The following insertion is from the Canadian Mental Health Association's website.

"Despite a commonly held myth that the Christmas season has the highest suicide rate of all the seasons, studies have proven that across North America, suicide rates are actually lower at that time of year.¹⁴ Studies suggest that while the holidays can bring up some very difficult emotions, they also tend to evoke feelings of familial bonds and these feelings may act as a buffer against suicide.¹⁵

"It is important to note, however, that while suicide rates do not increase over the holiday season, depression rates do. Numerous studies, as well as anecdotal evidence from the Mood Disorders Association of Ontario and the Toronto Distress Centre, confirm that both the number and severity of calls by depressed persons increases every year through November and December, returning to normal volume towards the end of January."

14. Suicide Information & Education Centre (November 2002). SIEC ALERT #16: Are suicide rates higher at Christmas? [Online]. Available: www.suicideinfo.ca .
15. Ibid.

Please remember that depression is not a lifestyle people desire for themselves. Depression is a curable ailment and needs to be treated as such. And above all else, if your friend continues to deny his depression, refuses to seek help, or rails against taking steps toward moving out of depression, then you cannot take the decision or situation personally! Here are a few suggested resources to help get you started:

• Suicide Prevention Resource Center: www.sprc.org/
• National Suicide Prevention Hotline: (800) 273-TALK (8255)

Before I sign off, let me get back to my story. These are humble individuals who seek the support of no one and are determined to "get out" of their situation on their own. The good news is there are many individuals who have already stepped in to help support them (unbeknownst to the family), and the majority of individuals have eyes on all family members. So if or when there are signs of depression, the right resources will be supplied to ensure a healthy transition for each member of the family. Those involved understand their role in this situation; the family is fortunate, and their gratitude is obvious. Supporting them to stay in a place of gratitude will be key in warding off potential depression.

Until next time, embrace your inner wisdom.

Namaste,
Coach Karen K