Commitment Phobia

Do You Suffer from Commitment Phobia?

Is the inability to have steady, committed relationships a problem? If you have commitment phobia you’ll probably answer this question with an emphatic “NO.” In fact, in all probability you attribute your “forever single status” to your desire for freedom or your flirtatious nature. While that may be true in some cases, often claims like “I like my space and independence,” “Love is too complicated,” etc., are mere euphemisms for a deep-rooted phobia of commitment. Being commitment phobic not only hinders your ability to create and enjoy a wonderful personal relationship with another person, but it very possibly can affect your professional success as well.

Am I Commitment Phobic or Just Free Spirited?

The first question most commitment phobics need to confront is whether they really have commitment phobia or if they are just free spirited and haven’t found the right person yet. Answering the following questions can help uncover the answer to this question as well as show them a way out:

• Do you keep looking for reasons to criticize your relationship or your partner?
• Are you finicky about your personal space to the extent of being completely self-centered?
• Do you follow a pattern of getting into relationships with people you are hardly compatible with?
• Do most of your relationships start only on the basis of mutual physical attraction?
• Do you look for escape routes or ways to end a relationship the moment you feel it may get serious or the other person looks like he/she is getting emotionally involved?
• Do you often give reasons like “I am too busy with my career,” “I don’t have time for love,” “Relationships are too complicated,” etc., to avoid getting into serious relationships?
• Have you ever been told or do you secretly believe that your standards are too high?
• Do you sometimes deliberately annoy your partner or refuse to apologize even when you’ve hurt them?
• Do you follow a cycle of break-up-make-up-break up again with the same person?
• Do you display a fear of commitment in other aspects of your life as well?
• Did you have a troubled childhood because your parents incompatibility or divorce?
• Do you have a history of childhood abuse?
• Did you have a serious relationship which left you heartbroken?
• Are you truly happy with state of your personal life?

If you’ve answered most of the questions with a “yes” apart from the last one, in all probability you could be suffering from commitment phobia. The answers to these questions will help you become aware of the roots of your potential phobia.

It is important to remember and understand that commitment phobia means an “inability” and not an “unwillingness” to commit. Unwillingness means you are in control, but inability means your actions are coming from some deep-rooted subconscious fears that you feel you have no conscious control over. Uncovering the root of your inability to commit can help you in more areas than just with relationships; that is, these answers can help you in your professional life as well.

Your inability to commit has the potential to eventually leave you lonely and very possibly bitter. Even the relationships you do have will rarely be fulfilling because on a subconscious level you will end up choosing those people you are unlikely to be compatible with. In the event you do find someone with whom you share a good rapport, in all likelihood you may end up hurting the person thanks to your phobia of a serious or committed relationship.

Knowledge is a powerful tool, and by answering the above questions you become knowledgeable in an area that before you were not. Begin to use this new-found knowledge to support your ability to create, design, and nurture new successful relationships in both your personal and professional lives. Allow this knowledge to move you into action to achieve the successful relationships you deserve.

Until next time, embrace your inner wisdom.

Namaste,
Karen