Hurry Up and Eat!

“Sit down!” “Sit up!” “Don’t play with your food!” “Three more…” Ah, the mantras of a parent at mealtimes. “I don’t like that” or “I don’t want that!” combined with gestural communication such as turning away, spitting out, mouth tightly closed: these are the mantras of children at mealtimes.

Does it have to be this way? Can kids learn good table manners and to eat a wide variety of foods? The answer is a resounding YES!

Feeding and the development of good feeding behaviors is a lifetime journey whose important steps start at the first breast- or bottlefeed. Children whose parents feed them regularly, first as an infant when they need it and then later as a toddler when it’s time, begin a trust process with food that lasts a lifetime. Kids need to learn to trust that their significant adults will feed them regularly. A four year old will learn to bear his hunger and wait those 30 minutes if you remind him it’s too close to supper time for a snack because he has learned to trust that you will feed him when you say you will.

The second important step is those first "meals" in a highchair. From the first attempt to feed your child and then when they feed themselves, they begin to learn acceptable table manners. They also begin to learn the process of self-regulation: feeling hungry, eating, feeling full. They must approach mealtimes with hunger. If they’ve been allowed to graze all day, then they’re never really hungry. In this stage the trust process continues and they are able to wait longer between feedings as their tummies become full with more substantial foods. They begin to sit at the table with the family and be involved in the wonderful social activity called supper!

As they progress towards more adult-like food, the infant becomes a toddler and the parenting challenges increase ten-fold! They can run away, they can throw food, they can yell, scream and refuse to eat. Take heart, as these "interference behaviors" do not have to rule the roost. Inappropriate behaviors get no attention and no food; appropriate behaviors get a lot of attention and a lot of food! As the parent it’s your job to set the standard. A best practice in feeding children is Ellyn Satter’s Division of Responsibility, which states that it is the parents’ job to provide and determine what the family will eat, where and when (chicken and rice, at the table, at 6p.m.). It is the child’s job to decide how much (self-regulation). When parents decide how much a child should eat, or when the child decides what the family will eat, strong feeding habits are compromised.

Children move from toddlerhood into school with well-defined eating behaviors. As a parent you must have a clear vision of what you want these behaviors to be and ensure they happen. This is important for several reasons. Food is necessary for life. Children need a wide variety of foods to be healthy and happy. Food is a social activity. Children who have good table manners (at home and at restaurants/extended families/friends' houses) are enjoyed by others and are able to access a wide range of social activities. Food is learning. Being involved with the act of preparation and cooking/baking exposes children to the sensory and practical aspects of food. Cooking teaches math and language and also builds self-esteem!

Achieve your vision for table manners and appropriate feeding behaviors through these steps:

1. Routine, routine, routine! Plan 3 meals and 2-3 snacks every day. Make them healthy and yummy!
2. No grazing! Children are not cows, so stick to the routine!
3. Honor the Division of Responsibility. Stick to your rules. You are NOT a short-order chef. Incorporate a bit of everything for everyone, but don’t be afraid to let your child go hungry if she chose not to eat. She can wait until the next scheduled meal or snack.
4. Practice, practice, practice. Children need real-life experiences at home, in restaurants and in public to learn and apply your standards for mealtimes.

Bon appétit!
Krista Kleinwort