Bedtime Brouhaha

“Just two minutes!”
“Just one more story, puuuuhhlease!”
“I don’t wanna go to bed!!!”
“But (insert name of friend) gets to go to bed later!”

Sound familiar? Kids of all ages need their sleep but are often reluctant to go to bed to get it. Experts agree that when children get the sleep they need, they are better behaved and more able to focus in learning situations. But why don’t kids get the sleep they need? It’s a delicate dance where missteps are frequent and multi-faceted.

Parents are, of course, the manager of the bedtime routine, so when we misstep our kids naturally take advantage. We work, we have extracurricular activities for ourselves, for the kids, for our spouses. When we’re having a lazy evening or running around like a taxi from one activity to the next, or when we’re stressed and frustrated by things outside the family, it affects our ability to provide a consistent bedtime routine. So how to cope?

The easiest way is to create a bedtime routine that is bare-bones. Have a basic number of things that must be done so that if time is of the essence, you can do the minimum in the maximum amount of time. Consider paring your bedtime routine down to just the basics: wash/bath, brush teeth, jammies on and in bed. Move story time to another special time in the day, as this is often the most commonly misused aspect of the bedtime routine. Maybe your child has ‘onemoreitis’ disease! Making reading a special time outside the bedtime routine saves time at night. If you prefer to keep it a part of the schedule, do the reading elsewhere before heading to the bedroom area.

Keep your routine consistent. Do the same things in the same order every day. You’ll be bored but it creates consistency and predictability for your child. Keep chatter to a minimum, focusing on the task at hand. This is not the time for extensive conversations; keep an eye on the goal and work toward increasing their independence within the routine.

Be realistic. Take advantage of opportunities to broaden your child’s world through physical or social situations, and if you’re home late, just brush their teeth and plunk them in bed! No one’s ever fainted from going to bed with dirty feet. If you have a consistent bedtime routine most of the time, a few late days here and there will be nothing to worry about.

Take charge. As the parent it is your job to manage the routine and ensure it’s done in a timely and efficient manner. The predictability of a regular routine nips “onemoreitis” in the bud. Children know what to expect (what order, what they are expected to do, how many kisses, etc.) and know that following the routine in a timely manner is rewarded. Undesirable bedtime behaviors need to be addressed. Start with the most bothersome behavior and think about how you can change the routine (the order), more clearly set your expectations (what you do and what they are expected to do), and what consequences you will employ if cooperation is not forthcoming (no sticker, no favorite TV show in the morning, etc). Communicate this clearly to your child with the message that cooperation is expected and will be rewarded. (P.S. Remember that the best reward is YOU, your touch, time and tenderness).

So put the bed back in bedtime. Banish the bedtime brouhaha beast to the basement. Reclaim your evening routine, giving yourself the time you deserve and your children the sleep they need. Sweet dreams!